During tough times for hedge funds, we all have to band together and take extreme action!
And I think I have a great plan….
Remember when millions of Americans and small businesses were out of work for 9 months due to the planned-demic illegal forced shutdowns?
But Congress took bold action, and I think we could use that same game plan to help these ailing hedge funds in their time of need.
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Surely all of this stuff would greatly benefit the hedge funds!
So modeled after the great relief Congress sent to the American people (paying them with their own money, no less), here’s the plan I’m thinking we could offer the hedge funds:
– $150 million to the Sudan
– $1.03 billion (with a “b”) to the Smithsonian
– $10 million to Pakistan for gender studies!
– $2.5 million to Pakistan for internet service (which will TOTALLY be spent on internet services and definitely not on war heads)
– $4 billion to New York for mass transit
– $15 billion for “live entertainment” in New York City (i.e. Broadway)
– $250 million for Palestinian aid
– $101 million to combat “wildlife poaching”, so important
Whew, that’s a lot!
They’ll be back on their feet in no time!
Oh wait, I forgot the most important one of all….
$600 to each Hedge Fund in need.
That’s $600. Dollars. Not thousands, not millions, not billions. Dollars.
Don’t spend it all in one place.