LOL: North Korean Media Claims Little Rocket Man Designed, Launched ICBM All By HIMSELF!

When a communist leader such as Kim Jong-un goes bowling, the North Korean media reports that he rolled several 300 games in a row. His basketball skills are amazing (just ask Dennis Rodman). Heck, when Kim goes golfing he shoots a 19…which would’ve been an 18 were it not for a fly buzzing the 18th tee. In other words, the communist media reports totally made-up crap that makes Kim Jong-un out to be a Superman. 

But even the s***-heads who run DPRK can’t expect their surrogates to believe this one. 

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The North Korean media reported on Wednesday that Kim Jong-un planned, instructed and executed the country’s ICBM launch this week, with the military and rocket-scientists serving merely as his gophers. 

More from Breitbart:

North Korea’s state media announced that dictator Kim Jong-un “personally supervised” and “meticulously guided” its latest missile launch on Wednesday, claiming he directed the missile to fly at a high angle such that it fell into the Sea of Japan.

The North Korean military launched what it claimed was a new model intercontinental ballistic missile (ICBM) on Tuesday called the “Hwasong-15.”

“The test-fire of the inter-continental ballistic rocket Hwasong-15 was successfully conducted on November 29 under the guidance of Kim Jong-un,” the Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) asserted. “Kim Jong-un personally supervised the whole course of the test-fire.”

Japanese observers, according to Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, tracked the missile as it reached a 4,000-kilometer (2485 miles) peak height before flying down and crashing into the Sea of Japan. Japan’s Kyodo News cites experts who state that, if launched at a lower angle, the missile could reach almost all of the U.S. mainland. KCNA gives Kim full credit for the “impeccable” missile launch.

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“He indicated the orientation of developing a new type rocket that can make the final victory of the country in the showdown with the U.S. imperialists and gave detailed instructions every day to the Academy of Defence Science for doing so and thus made sure that the Hwasong-15 weapon system was successfully completed,” KCNA added.

Upon the launch of the missile, Kim reportedly “expressed great satisfaction over the fact that such vehicles can be manufactured as many as the country wants now that the munitions industry has made a breakthrough in putting the production of all parts of the vehicle on a domestic and Juche basis 100 percent.”

“Juche,” which roughly translates to “self-reliance,” is the state philosophy of North Korea, founded by dictator Kim Il-sung and urging North Koreans not to depend on the international community to live. In reality, North Korea’s economy depends almost entirely upon China’s largess, given its lack of production in most industries and chronic food and medical shortages.

The missile launch, KCNA claimed, meant that North Korea had achieved “the historic cause of completing the state nuclear force.” There is no evidence that the Hwasong-15 was carrying a nuclear payload, however, or that it is capable of doing so.

Looks like in addition to being the world’s greatest sportsman, Jong-un is also among the world’s top 1% of nuclear scientists, rocket engineers and human resources managers. 

Too bad he’s terrible at running a country – his brutal and twisted version of North Korea is impoverished, close to bankruptcy, and will soon no longer exist.