Putin’s Bodyguards Collect His Poop In Briefcases During Foreign Visits

Yes, you read that bizarre headline correctly.

In a move to stop foreign governments from extracting any health-related information from his excrement, Vladimir Putin has reportedly ordered his guards to collect his poop whenever he uses the bathroom during foreign trips.

The reports claim Putin’s Federal Protection Service take Putin’s excrements and places them into a briefcase and only discards them when they get back to Moscow.

Putin’s health has been one of mystery for several years and lately, a rumor has floated around that the Russian President has cancer.

BREAKING: Putin's bodyguards collect his poop on trips abroad and take it back to Russia with them, report says. [I wasn’t sure whether to to tweet this out or not, but thought ‘what the f..k’] https://t.co/4loAq22ATV

— Bill Browder (@Billbrowder) June 10, 2022

So here is the video of 6 people accompanying Putin into the bathroom. It takes that many, apparently. pic.twitter.com/HrGc6yJQ4q

— Maria Pevchikh (@pevchikh) June 9, 2022

The Daily Mail broke the strange story:

Russian president Vladimir Putin has his bodyguards collect his excrement while on foreign trips in a bid to stop people gathering information about his health.

A report has revealed that Putin’s Federal Protection Service members are ‘responsible for collecting his bodily waste’ in special packets which are kept inside a dedicated briefcase until they return to Russia.

Putin’s health has been the centre of much speculation especially in recent months with the catastrophic Russian invasion of Ukraine, as instructed by the leader, including suggestions that he is suffering with cancer, dementia and even Parkinson’s disease.

And this latest revelation is allegedly Putin’s way of keeping his potential health issues under wraps.

According to two investigative journalists at French news magazine Paris Match, the collection of Vladimir Putin’s excrement is part of the Federal Protection Service’s job, as they are tasked with protecting high-ranking state officials at whatever cost.

Reporters Regis Gente, who wrote two books on Russia, and Mikhail Rubin, who has covered Russian current affairs for over ten years, say that two examples of Putin excrement collections were of the President’s visit to France on 29 May 2017 and to Saudi Arabia in October 2019.

In both of these instances, it is alleged that Putin either had a private toilet brought along with him during the trips, or that he was accompanied to the bathroom by several guards. Another theory is that he uses a ‘porta-potty’ everywhere he goes.

Do Bodyguards Carry Vladimir Putin's Poop and Urine in a Special Suitcase? https://t.co/JYwnaTaf7I

— TIRANGA SENA (@Tiranga_Sena) June 12, 2022

If you've read The Genesis Machine, you won't be surprised that Putin's people collect his poop when he's traveling and bring it back to Russia for safe keeping. We wrote a chapter on synthetic biology, surveillance, and — to put it plainly — your poop. https://t.co/G89JiuN2hP

— Amy Webb 🤷🏻‍♀️ (@amywebb) June 10, 2022

The New York Post added these details:

Members of Russia’s elite Federal Protection Service have been pulling double doodie — boxing up President Vladimir Putin’s excrement when he travels abroad and bringing it back home under armed guard.

The covertly collected craps were first reported Thursday in French news magazine Paris Match by two veteran Russia reporters.

According to the report, Federal Protection agents collect Putin’s poops without making a stink and put them in specialized packets, which then go into a dedicated briefcase for return to the motherland.

The magazine reports evidence of the collections taking place during a May 2017 visit by Putin to France, as well as a 2019 visit to Saudi Arabia.